Happy Little Vegemite

What a lovely peaceful day I had today! I started it off feeling pretty tired, to tell the truth!! Poor B. coughed and carried on all night and I felt as though I didn't sleep much at all....then I felt hungry! I ate a smallish dinner at our friends' house earlier in the evening...but when I was awake during the night, all I could think about was getting up and cooking fried or scrambled eggs before work this morning!!! As the dawn approached I had to make my mind up between trying to get 15 mins more snooze or a cooked breakfast... and sleep won!! SOOOO tired... I dragged myself up at 6.45 am, got dressed for work, made a cup of tea(and one for B. with a piece of toast and honey) scoffed one down myself and off I went....at work again, was naughty and shared a sausage roll with the girls around 10am and then for lunch I saw a Chiko roll in the fridge defrosted so I had that!!! It says it has mutton and/or beef in it but I have never seen any.... it seems to be made mainly of cabbage with a few other veg thrown in(sometimes there is a sno-pea!!!!) and barley...anyway, it obviously was left from last night so I ate it..
Work was good today, I made it so by doing every single little job I could see needed doing.... before long it was time to go home...
It was still lovely and sunny when I arrived home. B. was out the back pruning trees..he stopped when I arrived to crank up the BBQ and cook a few sausages.... I told you how he loves his sausages...... I had one... with a Bundaberg Ginger Beer... later we went across to our neighbours' and had a few wines... very nice..

Home and I made spaghetti bolognaise( B's choice) and I'm about ready for bed right now!!! Awesome awesome MONDAY tomorrow again!!!! GEE, the year is flying past, last day of May coming up!!!!

Fun Being Fit !!!

Today we had a "Mega Launch" at our gym.. this is when they put on a special class made up of some of each of the new Les Mills group fitness classes that we have available to do there..

We started off with Vanessa and Body Step.. did the first three tracks of Step ( release 80 I believe!!! Step is 20 years old!!!)

Followed by Nancy leading Sarah, Carly, and Pete in Body Pump... she did the squat track, chest and back and hammies .....didn't think much of the last one.. good song ( Don't Speak by No Doubt) but bit too slow for my taste.. I like really thumping up beat music to do clean and presses to.....

Sarah took Attack and that was pretty fun!!! Something a bit different from previous Attacks! Enjoyed that thoroughly!!!

Carly and Nancy took Combat together.... three tracks including the muay tay (spelling?) track which is always my favourite track in Combat...ooh! it felt a bit tough, that one!!! I'm gonna enjoy that one, I can tell!!!

Then Sarah again for Balance and we did hip openers, abdominals and hamstrings/forward bends..... good to stretch everything out after that awesome workout we just did!!!

I feel great knowing that I am healthy!!! Got a good strong back and legs and generally in pretty good shape overall!! It's fun being fit!!!

News in Brief!

They say there's no such thing as a free lunch! But I get a free lunch everyday at my work cos my boss is a super generous kind person and I never take it for granted!!! I appreciate it very much!!! Today I shared half a sausage roll with Tracey(my bad, sigh....) and I had a handful of hot chips and a Multi V juice.... sometimes I have nothing! Yesterday, for instance, I had a coffee and a cup of tea but nothing else....

Work went FAST today, despite it being quiet days.... now I have tomorrow off and work Sunday 7.30 am till 1 pm.... my favourite shift!!!

I still have the remains of a huge coldsore from blowing my nose so often... and now getting another coldsore in the corner of my mouth! ARRRGH!!! Must be a bit run down, I know I feel ever so tired lately... unbelievably tired... have had to have a nap most days... today I came home, read three "stories" from "Notes from a Big Country" by Bill Bryson and slept (soundly) till B. came home from work at 3.......

Took the dogs for a walk while B. went for a surf..... it's too cold I think, and not wise to go into the freezing ocean when he's got a cold... but he believes in the curative powers of salt water!!! Later we went to enjoy the last of the late afternoon sun....

Came home and I thought B. looked as though he felt like one of the ribeye steaks I bought yesterday.. I had a big field mushroom and a thick slice of eggplant... we both had mash on the side and topped the lot with garlic sauce!!!! YUMMO!

Early night tonight.... Mega Launch at the gym tomorrow!!! Three tracks from each of the five NEW Les Mills classes... Step, Pump, Attack, Combat and Balance!!!! Hope I can get a spot... there is a crowd sometimes, at others not so many....

Not having the girls this week :(... I would but B. says to leave them this week.... he feels my son- in-law can't tolerate us too often... maybe he is right.. I can't believe however that they would not like us to take the girls, they seem to find weekends especially hard to fill in and amuse Olivia especially.... but well, I will listen......

Have a nice weekend everyone!!!!!!

Going Well!!!

Everything is well in my world..I am feeling better physically than I have in a long while... all coughing has ceased and I feel pretty normal again!! Woo Hoo! Feeling at peace and although I don't know what's around the corner, I reckon everything's going to be OK..

Went shopping today and my bill was $204. But in there was a box of Coke, a box of Bundaberg Ginger Beers, some stuff for the girls(Dora colouring in books, pencil cases (cos they've been fighting lately over the one they share here... I got Jasmine a Dora one and Olivia a Bratz one...and some more markers). I did buy slaughterhouse products again... felt bad and nearly put some of them back but I had to get the sausages for B. he really likes them, I can't choose his life for him...and my son Casey who might visit.. he will want his favourite chicken schnitzels... Also got some lamb forequarter chops and some steak ( in case B. wants to have or go to a BBQ) But I put them all in the freezer....will only get out if I have to..... if we have a BBQ I have two big field mushrooms and eggplants for me.... another thing I'm going to do over the weekend is make a big log of seitan, then I can make some kebabs and some pieces I can crumb and make into "schnitzels" for myself when they're having chicken ones... slowly I will phase out cooking meat for them.... but I have to get good at making seitan first!!!!

I was very pleased not to waste very much food at all this week. The only thing I tossed was 1/2 tin of tomato soup which I had opened to make some spaghetti... I didn't get around to using the rest and it went all funny in the tin.. should have transferred it to a container... otherwise, there were a few bits and pieces that the dogs ate and that's about it!!!! :)

I cooked a bag of beansprouts before they went off and I ate half today.. made four springrolls, that was how many wrappers were left from last week!! So no waste again!! For tea tonight we had tacos.. with one tin of kidney beans and about 4 tbls of mince that I had cooked and frozen some weeks ago.... I could have used all the mince but now I have enough left to make some bolognaise sauce for B. over the weekend...to make up the tacos we had shredded lettuce, grated cheese, sour cream and a salsa made of diced avocado, tomato and red onion. I added some lemon juice to the salsa from a really really fresh lemon I picked just this evening from Bob's (my boss) tree!!!

Respite

Grateful for a "break" from the recent angst I've been experiencing in regards to my family's impending re-location overseas.

There is so much to be thankful for... at least I have had these good times with them the last few years... I have been working very hard with my thoughts and emotions and today I feel a lot better than I have in a number of days...

That's all for this post... for the moment it's better for me not to focus on the subject until I am firmly "settled" in myself... have only JUST managed to defeat negative feelings.. must stay on track and not "go anywhere" in my mental processes that might cause me to relapse.....

"Blessons"

There is a blog somewhere out there that has this "word" in its title.. "blessons" ....I came across it briefly one day...blessings and lessons rolled in together!!
It's definitely "blesson time"for me these days!

Things I am learning ( some of them RE-learning... i.e.. they are not NEW blessons:

To remember to think with my head... I know there are people who say to go with your heart but I have never found this to be good.... there are times I let my heart influence my actions and I always regret it...

That even though I don't "expect" certain results or ask for them ( I've ALWAYS believed in doing things for their own sake, not to " get" any particular thing from it..... sometimes what I BELIEVE will happen doesn't...that is, I still get surprises a lot!! Sometimes not pleasant ones....

That somewhere along the line I have stopped trusting processes...don't know what to say or think about this... but I never used to be like that.. I always used to trust.... now there seems to be lot of fear/anxiety surrounding different things...

That sometimes I'm not even that conscious of what I really feel until something happens to reveal my innermost thoughts to me...

That I can and DO always gain the best out of everything that comes my way.. even if it's painful.. I am lucky and blessed to ALWAYS find the blesson present in any every situation....

:) :) :)

Not Very Vegetarian...

I was just reading back over a couple of posts and was reminded that I had planned to eat potato bake and veges with bread at our friend's place the other night.. well, I didn't.... B. put some chicken on my plate and so I just ate it.....

I have failed to not eat meat some other times as well over the last few days.. I ate yumcha in Perth and also a steak and kidney pie after our lighthouse excursion..... also some of the roast chicken I got for B.'s sandwiches....

Today I ate a piece of fish at work...

Not very vegetarian... will have to try harder this week...

Blah!!

Got the "blahs" today... feeling so exhausted from constant coughing and no energy! My chest just feels really weird..I was talking to a man this morning who comes in every day for his paper about asthma and he said it's possible that what I described to him is due to asthma.. if it is then I am experiencing it more and more... even though I have been told I have asthma for a number of years now I have not really suffered from this much before.. a funny feeling of a "bubble" in my throat..hard to describe exactly but it is very unpleasant.. I notice it comes immediately before coughing but there is not feeling of wanting to cough as such.... it causes me to have just a millisecond of panic as it feels very odd, not a good feeling... but then I seem to cough and it goes away.... happens over and over...worse at night it seems when I lie down to sleep... of course then I get a bit stressed and so I am not sleeping very well....

I went for a walk with the dogs just now. It's a very overcast and cool day... nevertheless it always feels good to walk. Found 4 golfballs today!! I give them to my friend Rodney. Sometimes I don't find any for days on end... I usually only find one or two at a time... but today, 4!!!

Another Fun Outing!!!

Today we went to the Cape Naturaliste Lighthouse... it was Olivia's idea!! She asked us to take her to a lighthouse yesterday.. I asked her why she wanted to go to a lighthouse and how did she know about lighthouses and she said that someone at school had spoken about it for news.

It was quite a drive to get there from our place! Very windy and not very warm today so we bundled up... the wind was SO strong there that Jasmine nearly was blown over and when we were allowed to go outside onto the exterior of the lighthouse, the tour guide advised people to put their glasses away and also to hang onto small children!!!

It was a very interesting tour! I was wondering what he was going to tell us when he said the tour would take half an hour..but there was plenty of information given on the history and the running of the lighthouse... quite fascinating!! The girls were so good and seemed to enjoy the tour .. it surprised me a bit as I would have thought they might think it all a bit boring...but neither of them looked bored for a second!! I complimented Olivia on her choice of an excursion for the day... was well worth it.. funny in a way that we ourselves have never been there once in all these years....just never thought of it! We have been to the Leeuwin Lighthouse but we didn't go inside for a tour..there wasn't one running at the time and I don't know if we would have if there was.. it doesn't look very exciting.. this one didn't either.. we only went because Olivia had requested... but I'm really glad we did.. it was awesome fun!!!

Excursion to Perth

We took our grandgirls to Perth today and went to the WA Museum. It was totally awesome fun.. they were both squealing with delight and Olivia shouted " What else is there to see here?? I'm so excited!!" when we were nearly finished in the Discovery Centre.
We drove as far as Kwinana and then hopped on the train.. that in itself is fun for them and different as they really don't go out much with their parents. This is one of the things I feel very sad about and hope that my daughter and her partner will make more effort to take them out when they move overseas. They have often said that they feel it's "too hard" taking them both out to places(?!) and I KNOW it's not without a bit of dramas.... they do cry and fight and whine at times ... but to see them have so much fun and take so much interest in what they're seeing and doing is soo worth it and totally NECESSARY so they can experience the wonders of the world around them......I am really worried that they will not have enough outings and we will not be there to "take up the slack..."
Not going to write much today as they're still here and I want to make the most of every moment I have with them if they're really going to go... awwwww... a really really big part of me will be gone with them when they fly away on that plane.....

Shopping Day Again

We have started getting coupons here now... there have been a few before this week .. I have seen them.... but I really noticed them this week as one of them was for 3 x 24 Coke cans for $40.. that's not as cheap as you can get them other times, I'm sure... Coke seems to really vary in price.. sometimes it's quite expensive and then others if it's on special it can be quite cheap! I didn't feel like forking out $40 on Coke today however and settled for 3 x 1.25 litre Coke bottle for $6 instead.

I went to the Farmers' Market today.. don't go every week, if you don't go early in the morning it's parking hell!!! ehehehhehe! I worked for a little bit this morning so I would have been too late for Body Combat... and I don't feel like doing Balance lately.... so I thought I'd go today when I finished at 9am. I wanted to get some cheese from there... it' s locally produced and quite a bit cheaper than the supermarket brands...( still a product of suffering!) but I have decided to just be very sparing with all these kinds of foods... I don't think my hubby wants to be a vegan but he's happy to eat minimal animal products which is I think, at least for now, the best I can do also....

I spent about $50 there and about $120 at Coles.. which is good for us.... (usually around $220). But I didn't get enough dog food to last till next Thursday... only till Monday.....I might be able to eke it out if we have some scraps to stretch it or they can even have some of the cat's (surplus) food..... I noticed as I was putting the bread in the freezer that I now have a lot of loaves in there.... a surplus of that as well...it'd only be dog food that takes me back to the shops.. so if I'm careful, I could probably avoid more grocery purchases too soon!!

I am wasting much less by writing about food and meal-plans and having awareness of what's actually in the cupboard and freezer. This week I only wasted;

: some pumpkin soup.... I will dig it into the ground and it will compost... I just don't like soup very much.. even though I tried NOT to make a huge pot it was still too much for us...

: a small piece of cucumber... went behind something and I didn't see it... only about 2 inches so that's not too bad.. can go into the compost

that's about it!!!! There were a few leftovers but the dogs can have those sometimes...it's better anyway for them to have some veges and rice etc mixed with their food which is primarily tinned food and some biscuits. I would like if they could have more raw food but raw meat is quite expensive to feed them... they're not little dogs otherwise I could afford it...

I bought a free range chicken today( they were on special)..... my husband (B)needs to have something for his sandwiches sometimes that is not baked beans or hummus all the time!!!! He takes some leftovers usually and a peanut butter sandwich but he needs to have one other sandwich at least.... also the grand girls are coming and they are a bit fussy with their food. They like chicken so I will roast one and then they can have that for their meal and then the leftovers can go to sandwiches for a couple of days for B. They'll be here a couple of nights so I also got a packet of frozen beefburgers as they will eat a hamburger.... no salad mind you, but a patty and sauce! B will like that too.. he still likes to BBQ sausages and hamburgers... doesn't care about steak, thankfully... speaking of which I really felt like yesterday... I didn't indulge but I was conscious of feeling like a steak with salad... as if I really really needed it.... sometimes even though I want to eat vegetarian food, I feel a bit sick at the thought of say, mushrooms... and feel like I NEED red meat...but at least for yesterday I did not eat any...

I made the awesomest spring rolls this week..... we had them two nights in a row (I had them for two lunches as well!!)and then last night the remaining filling I fried with some rice into a kind of nasi goreng which we had with some fish fingers ( nearly a whole box left in the freezer... now only about 5 left..again the girls like these...) and a fried egg.

I just made a potato bake to take tonight to our friend's... she invited us for tea and she's making roast chicken.... hopefully there will be enough veges for me to have.. that's why I'm taking the potato bake... to help her out but also so I can eat that with some other veges and some bread... I bought a big Italian loaf as well...

Just now when I took the dogs for a little walk... I have to go to work soon so it had to be shortish.... I saw this magpie that has a damaged wing and is hanging around the one house and garden where another girl I know lives... I'm a bit worried for it in case it's not getting enough to eat.. she is feeding it but how much does a bird that size need???? I noticed today that it was not standing but sort of lying like a chicken does on a nest in the garden bed in the sun. I went back to see if it was still there with the thought of perhaps catching it and taking it to the wildlife lady but it wasn't there then..... it's a lovely sunny day today but I'm worried for when it gets cold.. or will it have starved by then or got at by a cat???? There are two cats next door to the house.. it's a wonder they haven't killed it so far.....

Maybe I shoudn't interfere as well.... that's the other thought I have... it's sad but if I catch it, there's no guarantee it will live and even if it does, it will be confined most probably and maybe not very happy??? I never know what is the right thing to do in these situations....

Holiday....

My husband wants to go on a short holiday...we really haven't had the kind of holiday that he has in mind for a long time..we've been to Melbourne and to Sydney a couple of times and we've had "breaks from work" a few times over the last few years but we have spent those :

minding my niece and nephew while their parents went to Mauritius

minding our grandgirls while their parents have been away

recovering from illness


When we've gone to Melbourne and Sydney we have been visiting with a purpose! Olivia had just been born, then we went and saw them again when she was about 6 months old.... we did got to see "Billy Elliot" in Sydney with a couple of friends and that was quite nice..but quite hectic as well!! We haven't done anything that involved lying on a lazyboy sipping cocktails by the pool, that sort of thing! I've often returned from these holidays, feeling in need of one!!

My husband is thinking of Bali as a possible/probable destination. I'm not very keen! Stopped over there on the way home from our trip to the USA in January 1995 and I had a few unpleasant experiences there!!! Bit of a culture shock for me after being in the States and also not being very well-travelled I'm a bit nervous of different people and practices such as having to bargain!! The thought of going there or somewhere similar is stressing me out!!!
Neither of us has a current passport at the moment so I guess that's the first step... after that I'll worry about where they will take us.... aaahahhhhhhhhh!

Goals

I don't have very many goals......

I am trying to eat vegetarian

I am trying to live more and more simply

I am trying to spend less and get rid of clutter

I am trying to be a kinder person ( this ones needs WORK! ehehehehhehe!)

I am trying to get to the gym three times a week


I guess those are my goals, if I must make a list of them....I'm just not a very ambitious person.. I'm not very competitive and I don't feel I need people to admire me for anything.. I don't mind being very ordinary....this sort of "lack of desire" I have in regards to lots of things is not very conducive to "goal-setting".... but lately I feel I should set some more specific goals and see if I can have FUN achieving them!!!

I have always said that the ONE goal for me is peace of mind and I pretty much have that for most of the time...even that I suffer frequently from anxiety disorder and depression, I still say I am peaceful most of the time because I have learned to accept those things are part of my makeup...I can be happy without needing to be well...

At the moment I AM well, and feeling glad about that! But I haven't thought of anything else (yet)to add to my "list of goals"!

Happy and at Peace

I feel at peace and that means happiness.... I can't control anything except my own thoughts and reactions to things( sometimes can't even do THAT !!!!! ehehehehhehehe!).

I choose the way I think
I choose the way I interpret things
I make up my mind whether to let things ruin my day or not
I can take the best out of everything and blow the rest away "with a breath of kindness"

Sometimes it IS hard to exercise CHOICE... one often feels COMPELLED to follow habitual patterns ( as in " I can't help it!!!! " mode of thinking) even when you know they're not helpful, your mind just wants to go that way.....

It's such a feeling of "victory" and so empowering when you know you could so easily slip into familiar "territory" but then you MAKE yourself do or think another more positive way!!!

Life is good.............

Good Day!!

I am grateful for my job.. I only work part-time.. it's enough, in fact sometimes I would like to stop work altogether but it's better that I keep working for a no. of reasons:

1 : the extra money comes in handy

2 : it "forces" you to keep up "skills"

3 : I have friends there and also connect with other people everyday through work

4 : It takes my mind off things


I'm sure if i spent a bit of time I could think of other reasons why it's good for me to work..... but at the moment the last one is especially relevant......

It's great that when I'm at work, I seem not to be so preoccupied with the thought of my family moving so far away.. I feel useful.... I feel that I have a purpose to my life.. I feel appreciated....

AW!!!

I was hoping to see Olivia and Jasmine today!! But no, Paul is too sick to go and visit.. there's no point in spreading his bugs everywhere and making everyone else ill as he has been the last couple of days....aw...never mind.... there's next weekend.. plus I'll be "off" next weekend and it'll be better all round.. Paul surely will be better and I won't have any restrictions on my time....
My son Casey has come down to visit .. this is not "second prize" AT ALL! My son is awesome company.. sooo fun, so wise and so great to have around in every way. I knocked off today at 1pm and he had arrived from Perth so quickly we headed into town and went to Chinese lunch. He had his old favourite "Lemon Chicken with Steamed Rice" and I had "Mixed Vegetables with Soft Noodles" . Yummy!!
It's been quite a chilly day today... most people complaining of the cold.. I like it!! I only had shorts on all day..might go and put some trackies on now though and get ready for a nice cosy evening with the two favourite men in my life!!!

My Lucky Day

Well, one thing have in my favour is that I'm always appreciative of small blessings! Today was my lucky day for a few reasons:

1 : I scored an extra two hours work this morning so I can help Casey with his parking fine now!

2 : there was hardly anyone in the Medicare office this morning when I went to collect my refund, so I didn't have to wait very long! An elderly man who sat next to me also commented on how unusual it was to find the place so empty!!

3 : When I went to Big W to buy Paul a couple of workshirts, they were on special!

4 : When I went to the chemist to buy him some cold and flu tablets, they were on special as well! It was funny as I was standing in line at another chemist and then I thought, "Oh, I better leave the tablets till last as I might run out of money....." They were the least urgent thing on my list. I thought I'd better get the shirts first and then if I had enough money left I would call into the Australind chemist on the way home...they're usually about $13 or $14.. anyway Chemart had them for $10 today!

So I've even got some money over.. and guess what I'm going to do with that? I'm starting my "visiting" fund! I know that even if Rachel and Jon don't end up going to Seattle for some reason, they will go somewhere.. it's inevitable....they will keep looking for a place to live that they like and even if they don't find a place that is "perfect" in their eyes, there will a few more "moves" before they settle down anywhere... so whatever happens I will have to go and visit my grandgirls... I'm going to save every penny I can to make these trips possible... gives me a goal and a purpose to saving that really means something to me!!! I think I've got about $17 to start my fund off with today!! :) I'll show Olivia when she comes here next...

I had a lovely chat to my son today and also on-line to one of my newer friends on Facebook. My son is very good to talk to.. he's very understanding of me and my feelings and also very wise. I felt a lot better after speaking with him.
My FB friend Jim has a great sense of humour and makes me laugh. Apart from that today, he was telling me that Seattle is very expensive! I don't know if should mention what he said to Rachel and Jon... they might think I'm being negative.. but he strongly advised that they go to Vancouver instead...

I have to go back to work very shortly for my usual shift which is a short one on Thursdays. Casey said he might come down tonight, or tomorrow.. but whatever happens I'm using the last of some meatballs I had in the freezer to make meatballs stroganoff. I have some sour cream and I bought a few mushrooms today. They were also on special! I'll serve it with buttery pasta...yummy!

I did a bit of shopping today but only a very small one due to not having any money to speak of till Paul gets paid today. I got only that which I absolutely needed for the next couple of days. I reckon I can make it through till Tuesday or at least Monday.... today I was very tempted to get a spinach and feta pasty from somewhere.. I hadn't eaten any breakfast and I was really hungry! I even went to a bakery thinking they'd have one, but they didn't so I thought I'd try and make it home.

When I got home I had what I think I read on someone's blog is called "Idaho Sunrise"....a big potato with an egg inside.... I also added a pat of butter whe it was done.. salt and loads of fresh ground pepper made it a real treat... I feel bad about the egg but I am doing my best for the moment .....I buy the best eggs available,( the ones I feel confident are truly free range).. Margaret River Free Range Eggs......I don't know that it makes it any better though because although the lives of the chickens are one thing.... their deaths are another, and all egg laying chooks I guess have the same short life span and go to the same end....

Beware the Doldrums

Got a big challenge on my hands.... to use an analogy.. my "ship" is in danger of sailing into the "Doldrums"..... I couldn't post yesterday for having to struggle all day at the wheel, and keeping watch all night so as to stay "on course" and not get blown into the "Doldrums".......not out of danger yet.. but enough of that!! I cannot afford to focus too much energy on negative thoughts.....it's very bad for me.. I've learnt this through experience and being the salt-encrusted hardy old "seacap'n" that I am these days, well, let's just say I know how to read the "wind"and "waves".....
I went to three exercise classes over two days, yesterday and today. Plus a run. Also by the time this day is finished I'll be able to add in two walks with the dogs, been for one this morning and going to go again at 3 o'clock. Good to be healthy enough to do these things again!!! I can tell that I have lost some fitness as well as strength from being sick this month..mainly upper body strength.. legs don't seem too shabby! I will have to build up again... and also I'm going to spend more time being physically active as it helps a lot with keeping my mind in a good space.
I was really pleased with myself today. I took Paul his lunch which I have mentioned I do every now and then for a treat... and I declined to eat a Hungry Jack's Whopper myself. I ordered an upgrade so I could share some of his fries (didn't think I could make it home without SOME food!) but I planned to come home and eat some baked beans and maybe oven- fry some of the new curly fries I found last week while shopping... mmm, yum! Not sorry in the least I didn't partake of the "ground cow burger".... I was tempted, to be honest... but I have a very effective means of managing meat cravings since I read that book ( "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safron Foer).. I wonder to myself whether or not I would be eating the meat from the cow that was getting stabbed in the behind to hurry it along or the cow who was having its neck cut while fully conscious, who was "crying, with its tongue hanging out"...or whether this was one of the pigs who got "chased alive into the scalding tank".. or a chicken that was "stomped on so that it popped".. ( I have asked myself if that chicken's body would still continue to be processed or whether it just got thrown out as it would have been damaged and not suitable?)...but I always can remember once when I went to buy chicken wings which I LOVE ... they were on special for $2.99 kg.. I had planned to get 4kg or something...... when I went to the counter I saw that the wings were all covered with red marks like bruises or something... every single one of them...I felt really awful and didn't buy them... it didn't stop me buying them altogether.. but that day I could not buy them wondering what injuries or transport conditions (or what????) had caused them to have this appearance......I really hope thinking like this will help me become more and more of a vegetarian.. it's just that I KNOW I just "forget" about it sometimes...or I start thinking stuff such as "Oh well, it has already been killed anyway, whether or not I eat it or not" .....I "forgot" about the poor little pig for instance that a friend served at her Hawaiiian party one time a few years ago... he was only a little baby( dead of course, thank goodness, I wouldn't have coped if they had killed him then and there..oh God, no!!).. they roasted him on a spit, whole.. and you could see every little feature of his face, all golden and crackly, but still with eyelashes and eybrows and his little eyes were closed.. oh!!! brings tears to mine just writing about it now.. I tried really hard not to eat meat(again) after seeing this poor little creature, that night I ate the salads that were available and shortly afterwards I embarked on the 8 months of being vegan ......but I forgot about him after a while, I wasn't able to keep the vegan diet up and eventually I just forgot about the little fella until recently when I was reading my diary entry I wrote about him...
Well, that's about all I can "safely" write today about such things... I'm going to take that second walk with the dogs now and when I come home I'm going to start preparing the ROAST for dinner.. yeah that's right, the ROAST... a yummy Sanitarium VEGE ROAST!!!!!!

:) :) :)

Olivia and Jasmine

These are my two beautiful grandaughters. Olivia is 5 and Jasmine, 2. I want to write about them as I 've been thinking about them all day today... they will be going away soon to live in Seattle if their parents get their visa. I can't see them not getting it so I guess it won't be long till I'll be waving them all goodbye .. aw... I'm sure going to miss them ALL but my daughter and son-in-law are still young, with plenty of ideas and talents, and of course, they have dreams and things they want to do in their lives... plus much as I love those two kids, they aren't my kids.. I've had my turn!!
Olivia keeps saying to me "Nanna, I have to stay with you more often cos I'm going away soon." I tell her " Oh, nanna will miss you very much" and she says she'll come and visit me every Christmas and every Easter! So cute! She said on Saturday, " I think this is the last time I'm coming to your house nanna, or maybe one more time.. I don't know.." aw, I think there will be a few more visits yet...... my daughter said even if they get the visa they can't go right away as they can't enter the country until 30 days before Jon starts his course..... so it'll be Novemberish by the sounds of it..Jon's course will be 3 years so they're hoping to stay for that length of time...but then I wonder, will they try and get permanent residency? Must be an exciting thought, life in the USA....we can visit of course, but it won't be very often.... have to get Skype for sure when they go...
I'm going to try and see them as much as possible though in the meantime...we picked them up on Saturday this time and took them to the pool where we all had lots of fun. That is a cool pool they have in Bunbury! Olivia wanted to get some hot chips from the cafe there so Paul and I took turns getting dressed while the girls sat and ate chips at a table and then I took them out to the car, put some dry clothes on them and we went to Chinese as well! Jasmine was making everyone smile exclaiming about her fried rice, she loves fried rice very much. Olivia ate fried rice too, even thought she had said she didn't want any and she ate a prawn dumpling as well. We got a few yumcha selections but not as many as usual, I probably will not ever be a 100%vegan or even a vegetarian.. but I don't want to be eating things made out of creatures very often...
We came home here and they had a lovely time pottering about in the garden. At the moment the two of them really enjoy filling up the birdbaths... after that Jasmine did coloring in while Olivia played with Polly Pocket and then we went to the park where they played on the equipment but also with the rocket launcher toy we got them from the Australian Geographic shop. That has been a really great toy, best $15 ever spent!! We had to tear Jasmine away from the park.. she never wants to stop playing these days but we were there quite a while..whatever time we were there would not be enough for her lately!! The next day she threw another big tantrum when it was time to leave our friends' house. Paul took them there for a little visit to give me some time to clean up and our friends have a little boy who has lots of cool toys as well as lots of outdoor stuff to play on... Jasmine was having a ball and didn't want it to end!! Aw, she came home "complaining" and crying to me about Grandad.. ehehehhehehe, the big meanie!!
They both were very tired on Saturday after a big day....they went to bed quite early.. our neighbours who are also our cousins came over for a few beers and Olivia fell asleep on the sofa watching "Bananas in Pyjamas". I promised she and I could sleep on the couch that night. Jasmine went to sleep in her room very easily. Later though, (I don't know if she had a bad dream or not), she woke up a couple of times and came out. I tried to put her back to bed but she would not go back to sleep..... even when I lay next to her the only one who fell asleep was me!! Ehehehhehehe! When our visitors left, and Paul went to to bed he came to check on me and she was still awake so I just put her next to him in our bed, while I went and slept with Olivia.. they both still love to sleep next to someone..... even when they're at home with Mum and Dad, it's the same.. oh well, who cares? It won't last forever..
They are so much fun, Olivia woke up really early Sunday morning and told me she'd seen "The Eagles" on telly the night before after "Bananas" had finished.... also asked me where the hot water bottle was.. I'd told her we could make a hot water bottle up but I didn't get around to it with Jasmine waking and all.. anyway it was pretty hot sleeping on the sofa, the weather has not really got THAT cold yet... we will make one next time I told her.. after a while of "snuggling" which she loves very much.. cuddling and laying her head and half her body right on top of you, (it's very cute but gee she is rough! Bangs your head and kicks you with her big legs!!!) we could hear the birds and I let her get up to play with the Polly Pockets quietly... it wasn't long before we could hear Jasmine and Grandad talking and so we all jumped into the big bed together and had a lovely time talking and playing and looking at the birds outside etc.
Will miss these times very much when they go away, but at least we will have these lovely memories....

Very Tired!

I am just making this post short... been very busy the last couple of days. Have had the little grandies with us but also still not feeling 100% and hence, no posts!! Have been in agony from the "injury" I did to myself, coughing while leaning forward in the car.. really not very funny... I have been almost a cripple from it... took the girls to the pool yesterday and although I was wondering how I would manage it, moving about in the water actually seemed to help!! I'm a bit better today but suffering with extreme fatigue and tiredness... and so that's all for today... I' m hoping with the start of a new week tomorrow that I will feel better on awaking in the morning....

Shopping Day Again

Hmm, will have to review this shopping business... went off this morning as if to war... bank account is not still not looking very healthy, and so I thought I better try and have a very cheap week..... also it's Mothers' Day on Sunday and I have to get my mum something and possibly my daughter...
I checked in the cupboards last night and I really can make it through till next week without some of the things on my "master list".. (the things I said I'd buy every week regardless so I never run out).... these are the things I had enough of:

toilet paper: 2x packs of 12 rolls

dishwashing detergent : 1 full new bottle

washing powder : 2 full boxes

tea : 3 full boxes

toothpaste : a whole new tube

I thought there was enough soy milk and Nuttelex etc but I bought some more of these.. as well I had 2 boxes of Paul's cereal that he likes(Special K) but it was on special so I bought another box. It goes very quickly I can tell you!

The main thing I really went for today was dog and cat food and bread, otherwise I felt I could have lasted till NEXT Thursday.....of course I did not just get these things! But my shopping was only half the cost of my usual so I guess that's something.

Now I will have to be extra imaginative to make meals out of what I have there already as I didn't buy much in terms of extra food for us. I bought some shampoo that was on special for my son, two packets of Cadbury mini treats for Paul's lunches and also cos my grandgirls will be here this weekend, some sausages for Paul for when we go to a BBQ on Friday night ( He doesn't really care for steak and I'm going to make bean burgers for myself), some frozen curly fries for the girls, some frozen veges(1 kg) and that will have to do us for the week. I have 2 packets of frozen stir fry veg already and the silverbeet and Chinese cabbage in the garden are yielding a few leaves now..eggs, mainly again for the girls, (they really like their eggs), a tin of baked beans (good for a sandwich), lasagne noodles ( I might make a big vege lasagne for Mothers'Day lunch), cheese, some savory shapes in case anyone drops over, tissues( the ones I like are on special), 2 packets of biscuits(on special) and some coconut milk powder( in case I want to make a curry again.. the one I made the other day with the chickpeas and spinach was absolutely delicious!!!!).

With the dog food I had one can left so I bought 4 more and also a dog " roll" for variety. As well a packet of cheap mince and I'm cooking that now with a packet of rice my boss threw out at work. It had a few dead pantry moths in it but I hate waste and it could do for the dogs... better than just going in the bin, I think... I'm going to grate some carrots and potato and add that and some parsley for "greens", that will do them at least 2 meals.. maybe three mixed with biscuits...
I had enough cat food for the week and then some but the sachets my cat likes were on special so I got a pack of 12.

Last night we didn't go to the movies.. Paul came not feeling terribly well and the only thing that we might have been keen on seeing was "Iron Man 2".. but we haven't seen "Iron Man 1" so we decided to give it a miss. When he's not well though, my husband really only likes to eat soup but not the creamy kind like the pumpkin soup I'd made earlier in the day...I'll have to knock that off for my lunches and snacks over the next few days....
The vege pies.. well, I froze 2, ate one yesterday, gave one to Paul for lunch today, and he can have another tomorrow(with other things) and there's one for me to eat today.

For dinner last night I made him THIS nourishing concoction: (Serves 2)

Small handful of dried sliced shitake mushrooms

2 skeins of noodles or packet of 2 min noodles

2 sachets of miso soup or tbls of miso

one stalk of spring onion and 7-8 cloves of garlic chopped

tsp of minced ginger

I mild chilli or small amount of hot chilli chopped

little bit of oil to fry plus a little sesame oil

1/2 bunch of bok choy or similar vegetable (I used 3 leaves of the young Chinese cabbage from the garden and the rest of the spinach leaves I had( about a cup and 1/2)

1/2 -3/4 cup of either chicken strips or tofu ( I used Fry's vegetarian chicken style strips)


Boil some water, enough to cook your noodles in and for your soup, if using 2 min noodles wait till the end, if using other noodles, put them in now..

IN another saucepan, heat a bit of oil and fry the chicken, or tofu.. if raw chicken make sure it is cooked before you add the garlic, chilli, ginger, and some of the spring onion

Add in the vegetable , the mushrooms and enough of the hot water for how much soup you want, add the miso and season to taste with pepper and salt if you need more....

Put yr noodles into your soup bowls, and divide the vege/chicken/ tofu/soup mixture between the two, spooning it over the noodles. Garnish with the remaining spring onion and drizzle over some sesame oil....

Serve and enjoy the goodness!!

Vegie Pies and Memories

Years ago I used to bake vege pies and quiches and make a nice pumpkin/root vegetable soup and I "sold" these things to the people in my Buddhist group. I called my little venture " Great Bliss". The profits went to the centre. Another time I held a one "man" cake stall outside my local supermarket and sold loads of goodies I had made all myself to raise money for His Holiness the Dalai Lama's visit to Perth ( I think it was 1990?). I made all kinds of cakes, caramel popcorn, all kinds of cookies, shortbread, cheese scones and sweet scones, my vege pies and quiches and cheese straws, homemade dog biscuits.. all kinds of stuff... I had made some of the things a day or two ahead and the rest of the things I stayed up all night to bake fresh...I raised about $360, probably not much more than I spent on the ingredients for the food, but I think it was good because it gave people a chance to hear about HH's visit and also to create good karma by purchasing the food and therefore contributing to this special event....
(sigh)............I feel I was a better person in those days.. what a thing to feel...been trying to do something about that lately...
I haven't made these pies for YEARS. But I remembered them this morning when I was thinking about cooking the vegetable pie tonight. Paul thought we might go to the movies and out to tea this evening as we haven't been for a while but he's not feeling 100% so we're not deciding till he gets home from work. I was thinking that the pie is not as nice heated up as it is fresh out of the oven (cos of the potato topping.. you know how I dislike leftover potato) but if we don't go out tonight, I will need to have some dinner ready. Then I thought of these pies which are individual and don't have potato on top, they DO have some grated cheese, ( well, you could leave it off but I don't think Paul would like them as much). They are very "portable" and also freeze pretty well.. I thought if we do end up going out I could give Paul one for his lunch tomorrow, I could have one for my lunch and I can freeze the rest...( I had to freeze the two leftover serves of the vegetable crepes from the other night... he didn't want them for his lunch yesterday and I didn't eat mine either since I had to go in and BUY lunch instead!!! ehehheheheh!)
My vege pies are very easy to make :

Chop up onion, and an assortment of veges.. swede, potato,broccoli, corn, carrot, pumpkin, cauli, celery , whatever you have..... about three cups.

Heat a little oil and saute the onion, then toss in the veges, about 1/2 tsp of cummin, 1/4 tsp of curry powder and move around till the spices are cooked.

Tip in about 3/4 cup of red lentils and mix in. Add some water.. not too much, you can add more but if you put too much you will have to cook everything to a mush before the excess evaporates.
Cover and cook till all is tender...season with S and P and some vege seasoning ifyou like..... if there is too much liquid (it should be moist but not sloppy),leave the lid off and cook till it's right.... not too dry either as you're going to bake them soon, so the filling will dry out a bit more then as well.

Put aside to cool and make your favourite pastry... I used about 2 1/2 cups flour, 1/2 cup minute oats, 2 tbls oil, about 150 g butter or margarine, 1/2 tsp salt and hot water. I sprinkle the salt into the flour and rub the butter/marg in, then add the oil and enough HOT water to make a dough...(Thanks to my late Aunty Violet for teaching me how to make HOT water pastry.. sooo easy...)

If you have little pie tins use those or you can make a big pie... flour your working surface, roll the pastry out and fit it to the greased tins or pie plate. Bake in moderate oven for a few minutes just so the pastry is parcooked but not BROWN... fill with vege/lentil mixture, grate some cheese over the top( optional) and I like to garnish the pies with chopped parsley, a small pieces of tomato for colour, some sunflower seeds and a sprinkle of paprika. Bake till nice and brown enough for yr taste.. Check by lifting the edge of the pie with a knife to see if the bottom of the pastry is cooked, if not bake a little longer towards the bottom or on the bottom of the oven.

If you've made individual pies you can take them out of the tins and cool on a wire tray, if it is a big one you can serve it from the dish, or wait till it's a bit cooler and firmer and then cut into pieces and remove.

If you have any pastry left over, give it to the kids to play with and bake shapes, they can put some seeds or cheese to make savory "crackers" .. I made a "pizza" with mine and ate it for breakfast!

Enjoy! :)

OOPS! Nearly!!!

Whew! I had trouble signing into my blog to post just now... it said that my blog has ceased to function or something for some reason.. something to do with cookies!!!! Well, thank goodness I found my way back in.. I had upgraded Firefox last night.. maybe that had something to do with it.. anyhoo... good day today... I had to go into town to get my repeat filled for my antibiotics and I thought " Hmm, this could be dangerous.. money in pocket... feeling a bit like I need some winter clothes etc.." W-e-e-ll, I didn't do anything " naughty".
Even went into Coles, saw all sorts of specials ( cos I shopped at Woolies last week..) and resisted all temptations to buy any!! Pat on the back for me! I only got what I went in there for which was:

some Playdoh to add to a present for our friends' little boy.. it was his birthday and I got him a Playdoh Pizza SET and some extra Playdoh but then I gave the Playdoh to Olivia and Jasmine to play with... had to replace quickly before I see him!!

some Poise light bladder control pads... how dreadful.. this violent coughing makes me wet my pants.. ran out.. still coughing a lot so need to get some more before " shopping day" to save on washing...

some cat biscuits... suddenly emptied the packet and didn't know whether I'd have enough to last till "shopping day".... have plenty of "wet food" but my cat Gandalf really likes his dry biscuits... even when he's got wet food, if I haven't given him any dry food he "calls" for it.... Lucky me! When I arrived at the pet food section, the biscuits he likes were on special.... I could have got a bigger bag of them which worked out at 3oc per 100g and the ones on special, the smaller bags work out to be 39c per 100g... but they were 2 bags for $6 so I only had to fork out $6 today rather than $17 something for the bigger bag... I haven't got so much money to spend this week so that works out better for me this time!!!

Every week or fortnight I take Paul some bought lunch for a treat. He generally takes some leftovers from dinner the night before and some sandwiches for lunch everyday. I did have some of the vegetable crepes I made for tea last night over.... BUT!!!!! the cheeky devil didn't like them!!! HOW could he not love the delicious yummy pumpkinny, sweet corny, yummy baked GOODNESS that was my crepes last night??????? OH....... because I put the last 5 BRUSSEL SROUTS in there!! He HATES brussel sprouts... well, gosh, there were only five in the whole casserole and I chopped them up too... well, you know he picked out every little bit... said the crepes were not nice either... I don't know WHY???? We were eating exactly the same dinner and I thought it was yum yum yummy!!! All vegan, no cheese or nothin' and it was still bloody AWESOME!!!! The only thing I can put it down to is the brussel sprouts and the fact that he is fighting off the lurgy I must have passed to him... he wasn't feeling the best yesterday, poor little man... oh well, win some lose some... but it meant that I had to go and buy him some lunch as I didn't have anything else much to offer since he rejected my crepes....
What we had was a doner kebab ( Paul) and a vege kebab ( for me). Not even felafel, just salad and hummus and garlic sauce.. very tasty though and healthy too.
I'm making the chickpea curry tonight! I asked him if this would be to his liking and he said he likes beans and pulses... well, halelujah for THAT!
The other positives of the day were, I had to get a couple of birthday presents which means I had to go into my favourite store (ACQUIRE) but I was very disciplined AGAIN and only got the presents.. I didn't buy anything else....was very tempted as they had a $179 cutlery set out for $39.95 and I LOVE cutlery for some reason but hey, I didn't NEED it so I held myself in check...
I also went into IGA to see if they still have Tofutti Sour "CREAM" but no, they did not... I did buy a marrow bone each for the dogs as they are not always available... and I bought two packets of chow mein noodles that aren't available(that brand) in Coles. I'm thinking also, that I might be able to do only a small shop this " shopping day" if I can stretch out the food I have.. the noodles can make another meal and I might be able to eke out the week with what's in the cupboard. I'll still have to go and get my "master list" but maybe not so much other stuff this week if I'm clever!! Which I am!!!!

New Week! New Start!

I love Mondays! I love the fact that there's a whole brand new week ahead of me.. unsullied and unspoiled and more or less a " blank slate" that hopefully I will make some sort of success of!!!
Having said that, I truly believe that you can " start over" at any time, any moment.. there's no need to wait for Mondays, New Years or any other special time to be able to take a look at where you're at and if you're not going in the direction you want to be, turn right around and start heading that way!!!
Today was an especially nice Monday as I was able to make it to work and I felt pretty good! I'm not going to forget about taking a bit of extra care with my health this week but it felt totally awesome to be able to finish my shift and come home still feeling like I could tackle some household chores as well! My shifts are pretty short actually. I work either 7.30 am till 1pm (morning shift) or 1pm-6.30pm(afternoon shift) usually.. that's only 5 1/2 hours at a time. Rarely I'll do a bit longer but never as long as what most people have to do each day! So I'm pretty lucky!! As well I work for really kind, nice and generous people who are my friends. And my workmates are the same.. all really great people and friends outside of the workplace too.
I'd really like it if I didn't have to go to work at all outside of the home all the same. There's just SO many things that I would like to do each day and I always seem to run out of time.. so not working I imagine would give me those extra hours.... but having said that, I do enjoy the social aspect of my work and also I think it's really better in the long run to work even if it's only part-time for a few other good reasons...it's good to have the extra money, you can keep up whatever skills you have, maybe learn new ones...gives you a sense of being of service to others than your own family... that sort of thing.
Today at work I had a grilled field mushroom and fried onion sandwich with Djon mustard for lunch. It was yummy (and vegan!) :) For breakfast I just had a piece of toast and vegemite mainly cos one of my tablets has to be taken with food. I'm not a breakfast person. I prefer to eat something about 10 am. For dinner tonight, I'm going to make the vegetable crepes I mentioned in my menu plan last week. Oh, I didn't mention yesterday that my husband went out for dinner last night, as it was our neighbour's birthday and we were invited to join them at a restaurant to celebrate, but I didn't go as I wanted to stay home and not give anyone my germs...also make sure I was well-rested and recovered enough to go to work today.... My husband came home and said he had ordered 6 oysters Kilpatrick(his favourite) and a chicken parmigiana and as well he had cake that my neighbour's daughter brought for dessert. I enjoyed a fettucine with garlic, mushroom, olive oil and spinach leaves at home....that was absolutely delicious ( and vegan!) :) I cooked up the mince I talked about and it made two containers which I put in the fridge to cool... and you know what? I'm going to freeze them for another week. All this week I'm going to cook vegan! And guess what? It's time for another menu plan!!!

Meal 1 : Chickpea and spinach curry ( must hurry to use all the spinach before it goes bad!)

Meal 2 : Lentil and rice dish ( I read about this yesterday while browsing.. it's a Middle Eastern dish... can't recall accurately its name at the minute... megadurra or something..will check it up and post tomorrow..)

Meal 3 : Vegetable pie... with a pastry bottom and mashed potatoes on top!

Meal 4 : Rice with tofu, vegetable and cashew stirfry

Meal 5 : Vege patties and salad

Meal 6 : Sanitarium vege roast with baked vegetables and gravy... yum yum! There'll be some leftovers for sanwiches too! WIN!

Meal 7 : Pasta with lentil or split pea sauce

There are THOUSANDS of tasty vegan dinners waiting for me to cook them! There's seven of them right there!

Happy Happy New Week everybody!!!

Progress Report

I am slowly progressing I hope, towards a state of health again..... since I started the antibiotics my coughing has reduced significantly. It hasn't ceased however and I am still having very sudden, violent bursts of coughing, one of which this morning caused me to put my back out. Also still having some very odd feelings that are not very pleasant...hard to describe but it feels like there is a bubble of air in my neck.. as well, the trembling and feeling feverish and nausea is still happpening, although on and off. One minute I feel OK and the next I feel dreadfully ill again...I've been doing the right thing though and haven't gone out or done anything I shouldn't. Normally I would still go out and do stuff despite feeling sick but I thought it's about time I see whether or not resting does help you get better faster...I haven't been able to go to work but I think I will try and go tomorrow..... that will help me know whether I'm really as sick as I feel from the infection or whether it's from anxiety over being sick, which I am also experiencing....
I've still been cooking and doing a few household chores like keeping up with the washing. Last night I made the mini pizzas I had included in the menu plan I posted recently. They only take about ten minutes to assemble and about the same to bake and they are yummy! Tortillas make a really nice crispy thin base. There were 6 left in the packet and I used them all. We ate three pizzas and there are two left as I ate one for breakfast. I changed my mind about using the two chorizos I had left in the fridge... I felt they were a bit "old" by this stage, although they still smelled fine but I wasn't going to risk eating them.. so I gave one each to the dogs. As well I found two Lebanese cucumbers all slimy in a plastic bag that I had "missed" when looking through the crisper the other day.. had to throw them in the compost...slap on the wrist for wasting!! There was a slice of bacon left and I chopped that and put on the pizzas and now there's only the packet of mince there that I have to cook and not waste. We had some of the sausages on Friday night with baked potatoes and coleslaw and Paul cooked the remaining three at breakfast this morning. He ate two.. Raymond got the last one as Honey had already made her "dash" and succeeded in getting back into the house!!! After I finish the mince tonight and maybe tomorrow, I will be making vegan/vegetarian meals.
I haven't decided what I'm going to make with the mince yet. Even though I want to " finish" it I still want to get the most mileage out of it for the budget's sake...
I might just cook it but not add anything except for onion and garlic and then I can make two meals out of it but different flavoured ones, eg a shepherd's pie and then maybe an Asian style noodle, veg and mince dish.

My Plan

I've decided to do a few "actions" in regards to yesterday's post. Last night I had to force myself to think about things other than what I had read in "Eating Animals" at least ten times. It made me realise how much of my waking life is spent thinking about stuff that stresses me out to the max. To the point of bringing on a full-blown panic/anxiety attack on many occasions. ( I also think a lot about terrible things that I read in the news or see on television). I was a bit surprised to find that I had a bit of trouble finding something good to focus on... in the end I thought of a calendar I have that was given to me by my friend. It features pictures of Thai monks and the tigers they care for in their sanctuary. The calendar is outdated but the photos are so beautiful and peaceful and give me so much hope and happiness... visualising the pictures in my mind's eye last night helped me transfer my thoughts from hopeless and hurtful images to ones of joy and loving kindness.
I awoke with some solutions and strategies I can put into place that will make me feel happier and more at peace with myself. I do not think that I can be a vegan full stop. Not yet... I will try.. I am not sure how I am going to go about a few things, but I have decided that;

1. I will eat vegan as much as possible. One day at a time. That means I will not worry about what I'm going to do next time I'm at a restaurant with people. I will deal with that THEN and I will do my best THEN.

2.I will not read anymore about animal cruelty. I don't think there is much that I do not know about and I am glad that I know or else it would not make me think twice about purchasing and eating the products of suffering. But it makes me feel so sad and sick and hopeless which does me no good and does not help any animal either for that matter. I will look for stories of kindness to animals and kindness in the world and think about those instead. I am confident I will not "forget" the awful stuff.... but I shall keep those things in their rightful place, not allowing them to destroy my peace of mind or my hopes for a better future, not giving them more energy than they already have over LIFE.

Oh.. that doesn't sound like much but I think if I can do these two things at least it will be a good start. My awesome husband says he is happy to eat vegan at home. He did without any complaints for 8 months during my attempt at vegan life before....he did order meat when we went out but not once did he ever ask for meat at home. He did say a bit of cheese would not have been unwelcome!! I will probably still eat a bit of cheese myself for the time being... but there are a lot of totally vegan meals I can make that will make dishes requiring cheese or eggs occasional rather than regular....