Improved

I feel a whole lot better today due mainly I feel, to the therapeutic effects of writing.. not in here so much, where I try and be somewhat brief and concise, but in my handwritten journal where I write endlessly about stuff, a lot of the time about what has been upsetting me!!!
Then I work out strategies for combatting negative thoughts and alternative ways to view things etc.. can also draw little diagrams and doodles to explain things further but also as I did yesterday to describe dreams I had.
The dream I had the night previous to last was a common one of mine... I dream about looking at the sea and then I see big waves coming or the currrent waves growing bigger and more threatening... they eventually come right up to where I am and I have to scramble to escape... more often than not they crash onto me and this used to be terrible until some time ago I started to hold my breath and shut my eyes and hold steady and therefore" survive" the engulfment.
Usually I am watching from some distance... in this recent dream though, I seemed to be IN the sea, swimming with friends or other people ( I have no idea who) when I notice a HUGE sinkhole has formed some distance away.. a terrifying sight.. a big hole has opened up in the ocean and the water is all pouring down, not swirling or anything, just gushing down like a circular waterfall and I realise I have to get to safety lest it get bigger or I get drawn closer to it and get sucked in!! I seem to be holding onto a smaller person( a child?? Was it Olivia, or my son as a small boy?? I'm not sure...) and I don't know how but I manage to "pull" myself through the water towards the shore. On the way I am met by the biggest darkest waves ever, so tall I can't even see the tops of the waves, they are just like huge WALLS of water and several times I have to brace myself and suffer them crashing down on me but I think if I can just get hold of the reef I will be able to get to safety.... with my right big toe I feel the reef under the water and following it along with my foot, I eventually manage to grab onto it and move along it till I exit the water... I am in a little bay and a drag myself onto the sand.... It's an AWFUL dream... so scary and strenuous as well as I try to escape these waves that are in them.... I seem to have this dream or variations of it when I'm feeling very stressed and overwhelmed and out of control of my own life ie when other people and things seem to be running it FOR me.......